After my cello lesson one day, I pulled into a gas station to fill up my car. I drive a two door convertible so the only place I can put my cello is in the front seat. This puts the cello in plain view which tends to draw a lot of questions or comments about the instrument when I am out. This one day, a guy (with an unkempt, starving artist look) got out of his car at the pump next to mine and the conversation went like this:
"Is that your cello?", He asked.
"Yes", I answered.
He stared at me in a playful way..."Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yes", I answered
Then he started on a rant...barely intelligible, but here is what I got out of it...
"I know how it feels...you want to get fully into music and play and play...but let me tell you something...you play music hard because you're lonely...that's why you get so good...it feeds you when you're lonely. Then you get a boyfriend and you're not lonely anymore and your drive for music is not as strong. You'll always be chasing it...why you play. You have someone in your life and you feed your music less and less....I know how it is..I was there. Loneliness creates that music..."
I dismissed his rant as mindless banter at first but as I thought more about it I think he had a point. I fully immersed myself in my cello studies because I was lonely. At the time, I had just gotten out of a relationship and the cello filled the empty space created by that loss. I made huge progress because of it. Five years I was single...and I feel like it shows in my music. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man. Still trying to figure out that balance between the two loves. I still want to feed my love for music, but I don't get that same high as when I was lonely and playing. I wonder whether this is what having kids is like. How do you balance it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Inability to balance creates lot of frustration (at least in my case). Now I understand artists who cannot create to their best until they are lonely. Though it is very possible to have that balance. We just have to master a skill of concentration,I think, and have someone around who will nourish and support that skill. I divorced my ex because he could not get that music is everything for me.
Hi CelloGirl – I still consider myself a newbie so my skills have not developed to a point to where my time playing results in Herbal Essence like reactions (hilarious YouTube clip). However, I do get so much enjoyment and relaxation by playing – even if it is for 15 minutes. As far as life/work/cello balance; that’s a toughie. Our son is 8 – I usually try to practice when I get home from work when he is outside playing with his friends. I try not to practice during 7pm-9pm – as this is usually “family time”. I wish I set aside more time to practice – and I probably could if I tried really hard. I also do some consulting outside my regular full-time job – so – I have given up cello time to make a few extra bucks. I guess we all have different goals and expectations. Given my cellos goals – the opportunity cost of not spending more time on the cello – is low compared to trying to spend quality time with my wide and our son and making a few extra bucks to help with vacations.
Enjoyed your post! It reminded me of something Jon Stewart (of the Daily Show) said, that he likes to listen to CDs on long drives because it stops him from thinking about how he has failed all the people who have ever loved him.
So, music can be an escape from loneliness or anything else. But music is also a connection to other people, when you play in ensembles or for an audience. I have a husband and kids, and fortunately we all love music. My kids, now 18 and 21, are very talented musicians not currently interested in playing. I wonder, maybe their love lives are too satisfying. :-)
Hi! This is Michael from the cgda blog. I figure you'll get an e-mail saying I posted and you're probably wondering why I responded to something written in 2007.
Enjoyed reading a bit about your past. I wonder if you have kids now. If so, you know the answer to your question.
I don't believe that guy's rant because after the romantic phase settles in, you're back to 'what do I do now?'. Play cello!
So it wasn't because you were lonely after all. It was not the lack of a boyfriend, but lack of purposeful activity.
Having started after I was married, I have a different perspective on some of these issues.
Hi Michael, I love it when I get comments on old posts! It gives me a chance to peek back at a different time in my life.
To answer your question, I still don't have any kids. In fact, I don't have the boyfriend anymore either! So..I guess we're back to the guy's loneliness theory. I'm alone now and I'm playing more than ever. I think if I had a husband and some kids, it'd be really hard for me to focus on cello as much as I do...and without that focus, I don't think I would have as deep of a love for it. I've never been able to get the same intensity with music when I am in a relationship. I think that if we don't have romantic love in our lives, we fill that void with something - be it kids, career, family, friends...Cello! So maybe it's not 'loneliness' per se, just more room in your heart for other things. Not to mention, more time.
I do admire that you are married and have kids and can stick to practicing every day. That's tough to do!! I can barely juggle the job and cello.
Post a Comment