Another performance

In an effort to not fall into a lull after spending months preparing the Haydn for a master class, I volunteered to play solo for a church service sometime in April or May. The people were really laid back and let me decide what I wanted to play. So I reached into my bag of "pieces I've been working on forever but still haven't gotten right" and decided on the Prelude to the Bach Cello Suite 3.

I remember when I first started it over 2 years ago. Learning the notes to the piece was never hard for me...in fact, I think I had it memorized within a month. The hard part for me was getting through the piece without pain. Yes, pain was what I had to overcome and here's some things I did to get the pain out of my playing.

First, my bow grip was seriously flawed. I was gripping the life out of the bow with my thumb. To keep the bow even and balanced while doing this, I had to engage my pinky to help keep the bow balanced. These two things made my right hand really sore halfway through the piece. Until recently, the bow has never been comfortable in my hand. One etude that has really helped with this is Popper etude #1. It's really a wrist etude but you can't really pull it off without having a good bow hold. My bow grip is not perfect but it's come a long way in the past two years. The proof? No more hand pain! So..if you're struggling with getting a comfortable bow grip, Popper #1 helped me a lot.

My body was tense. I was using muscles that really shouldn't be used when playing. Like - the jaw muscle? I clenched my jaw and my shoulders were tense while I played so I had to use other muscles to force the sound out. No wonder I was tired halfway through the Prelude! I realized that playing with tension is something a lot of cellists struggle with. I've had many teachers in the past but my current teacher is the only person to make this my primary focus when playing. This is such an important part of cello playing that I'm baffled that it took 6 years before someone mentioned tension to me. This is not to say that I now play with no tension. Unfortunately, 2 years of correction doesn't quite purge out 6 years of playing with tension but I'm much more aware of it now and can try to stop it when it happens. I've come a long way with it. The proof? I can play through the Prelude many times in practice with no pain. Feels nice!

Of course...being able to get through the entire piece without pain is only a baby step forward. The things I now have to overcome are much more elusive...phrasing, evenness and giving each note the full value of importance. Oh...the Bach Cello Suites...it's such a mountain to climb! You know a piece of music is complex when you can work on it for a few years and still be engaged.

Happy happy happy

I'm so insanely happy today. I feel so grateful for so many things. Since this is a cello blog - I'd like to give a shout out to my cello. How lucky am I to have found something that can instantly shut out the noise of emails, text messages, TV, internet, Facebook, blogs, news, etc.

A few hours on the cello makes my world peaceful again.

It's beautiful but I can't enjoy it

I've been working on the Prelude to the Bach Suite 3 on and off for a couple of years now. The Bach suites are so beautiful but when I start to really work on them...the beauty of the pieces become secondary. What I mean by that is that while I am playing it, I am so focused on playing it beautifully that my enjoyment of the piece gets put on the shelf.

I used to dream about the day when I can really play something beautiful and how great that would feel to create such beautiful music. I guess I envisioned an emotional enjoyment very much like being a listener in the audience but that it would be even better because I would be the one creating that beauty. As I think about this further...it isn't like that at all. My teacher has talked a lot about not becoming emotionally tied to the music...that the enjoyment of the music belongs to the audience. As a player, you have to be somewhat detached from the piece so that you can deliver it with the correct intention.

As a listener, I used to enjoy the major change in the color halfway through the prelude of the 3rd suite. As a player, that same enjoyment isn't there anymore. I told D during the last lesson..."...this part this soooo beautiful but I can't enjoy it because I'm too focused on trying to keep it all even. Arghhh!" He said...."It'll be a few years before you enjoy that section..."

What I've realized is that my consumption of the music I play is different than being a listener...It isn't satisfying in the way I thought it would be. The enjoyment has shifted to an enjoyment that comes from being able to play the way I want it to sound....rather than enjoying the music produced by me. Maybe it'll change as I get better but it's so much less romantic this way!

The Master Class

I've had so many thoughts I'd like to post about my experience in a master class but have been too busy to sit down and write. I'm forcing myself to throw down the points I do remember before it all becomes a distant memory!

First of all, Emily was great! She braved crazy weather across the country to give us all such a great experience. Her master class was the inaugural meeting of the Atlanta Cello Project, started by my friend Ann. It is a group of cello enthusiasts in Atlanta..currently at 30+ members. The master class drew 15+ people even though we had a snow storm that day!

Without a lot of thought (and hopefully not too redundant), here are some observations from my experience in preparing for the master class:

1. I played the Haydn C, first mvt. I thought I had been working on this (on and off) for a year but in looking back at my blog..it's actually been 1.5 years! ha! It did get exponentially better in the weeks leading up to the class though. I'd say I really really worked on it in preparation for the master class for about 2 months.

2. Having this goal changed my practices. It forced me to work on the parts of this piece that were hard for me. I didn't have the luxury of ignoring them anymore. Runs that I thought were impossible had to become a possibility so I focused my practices on making the impossible possible. The other downside of brushing over problem areas for so long is that you actually train your ear to ignore the problem areas. My teacher pointed that out in many places. As if I didn't have enough to work on, I also had to re-train my ear to the hear the right thing.

3. The impossible did start becoming possible! It was interesting. Before, I couldn't fathom how I could ever play the harder parts with any consistency. If you work on it enough...it will come.

4. Positions that seemed physically impossible became possible as well. There were a few thumb position double stops that I just accepted as positions that my hand just does not do. Guess what? If you practice the position enough times...it does become 'not uncomfortable'. I learned to accept that uncomfortable positions can be comfortable with enough practice.

5. I have to start practicing with a metronome all the time. I did this in the month leading up to the master class but I still clipped my rhythms when I performed. If I started practicing with a metronome from the start - I wouldn't have had to un-practice the rhythm problems. Sounds easy enough but so hard to do. Why did I think that a month of practice with the metronome would undo the 1+ year of practicing it without?

6. Fix problem areas from the start instead of practicing the wrong way only to un-practice it later and repractice it the right way. I am doing this more in my practices. Un-practicing is SO boring so it is a pretty good motivator.

7. The best part? My lessons became more productive too. I had a goal...and because of that, my teacher had a goal. Lessons became focused as well.

I learned a lot from the experience and look forward to more opportunities like this! I also enjoyed meeting Emily...after years of chatting with her via blog comments...it was nice to chat live.

Happy practicing!

When things work out (in my favor)

A friend called me up and asked me if I was going to the Yo-Yo Ma concert in May. Oh no...I had completely forgotten about it!! With very little hope, I went on the website to see if there were any tickets left. I clicked to purchase and up came a large seating map with all the seats grayed out (indicating occupied) except for one little tiny seat in the 7th row. ONE seat left! Needless to say, I quickly bought it.

The next day, my friend emailed me saying that the concert was sold out. Why can't things work out like this all the time?

My friend ended up finding a seat for him and his girlfriend towards the back so...we are all good.

So...Hooray!!! I finally get to see him perform.

The Bow Rehair - it's a crapshoot

I have to admit that I don't know too much about rehairing a bow. I know that I rarely plan for it...it usually gets to the point when I will be begging all shops in town to rehair my bow on short notice - unsuccessfully of course.

My last bow rehair was done on short notice. When it came back, I found the hair quite short. Gone was the little nudge between the frog and the thumb leather where my thumb rests when I play. The person who did my rehair was a well known luthier in town so I figured it was 'done right' and that it would probably stretch over time. It never stretched. Instead, my thumb kept pushing up on the thumb leather and eventually tore it....but I dealt with it.

Fast forward to last week...another rehair needed. I took it to another luthier..one who had rehaired 2 bows for me in the past. They were able to fit me in. When I saw them, I told them that the last rehair left the hair a bit too short for my tastes which was why the thumb leather was wearing out. I kinda made a big deal about it because I didn't want it to happen again. So...I paid for a rehair as well as money for the thumb leather to be replaced. I picked it up a couple of days later. Same thing! I sat down with them and asked them if that was the way it was supposed to be...and they said yes. I took it to my teacher...and he immediately said, too short. So I took it back and they corrected it.

How can they not know it's too short? Don't all these shops rehair bows all the time? I talked to a friend of mine and she has had bad experience with another shop in town. So basically, we have had bad rehairs from 3 shops now. Is it that difficult? I still consider myself a 'beginner' cellist so it's tough for me to tell the shops what I want with conviction because I'm not all that sure myself. I depend on them to tell me the 'right' way because I feel like they would know having done so many of them. However if my teacher can look at my bow and say, "Too short" but the shop is telling me it's fine...uhh...doesn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling about who is working on my bow.

Any thoughts?

Chamber Music Weekend

I just got back from a chamber music 'workshop'. 100 or so people attend (1/3 of them are kids, 1/3 high school, 1/3 are adults) and we sightread in various chamber ensembles all weekend. Each day, there is about 9 hrs of playing time. The coordinators put you in different groups in 1.5 hr rotations as well as 2 hrs of orchestra rehearsal. When you sign up for the weekend, you are pretty much committed to the entire thing because if you skip a session, you mess up the intended chamber group for that time slot (piano quartet, string quartet, quintet, etc.) It all ends with a participant concert on Saturday night.

Here are some things I learned this weekend:

1) I have progressed in my cello playing and sight reading. This is big! Sometimes I get frustrated practicing day in and day out with seemingly very little improvement. Since I started going to these kinds of events a couple of years ago, I am able to view my progression in terms of years instead of days or weeks. It's a good feeling. I was even considered 'advanced' in some of the groups...An adult beginner cellist came up to me after a session and told me how she enjoyed having me play next to her because it kept her on track. This compliment was quite amusing to me as I have spent years getting lost sight reading 2 measures into a piece!!

2) The constant nagging by my teacher on relaxation of my shoulders and bow arm is starting to set in. I notice when I am tense and can correct it when it happens. The benefit? I can play for 9 hours without muscle pain. Wow!! Didn't think that was possible. Well...it wasn't possible with the way I was trying to play before.

3) I have learned to deal with my intonation mistakes in playing. I think the main reason for this is that I have seen so many GOOD cellists make mistakes when they are playing (on stage or in practice). It just goes with the territory of playing a string instrument. You just have to not let it get to you and move on to the next note. If you obsess over it like I used to, you ruin everything beyond the mistake that you can probably play quite well.

4) The ability to laugh at mistakes. In the rehearsal room prior to performance, I saw three 10 year old violinists standing together to practice the piece they were going to perform. One of the players completely botched her solo in one section...the other violinist laughed out loud and soon all three were laughing. While all of this was happening...they kept playing and all was well. I wished I could have recorded this. This should be required viewing for all adult beginners.

5) Somehow in the past couple of years, I have learned to control my nerves during a performance. It used to be that my hand would shake uncontrollably which made playing with a bow practically impossible. This time, however, I was almost detached from my performance which allowed me to focus on keeping relaxed and projecting the sound I desired. Interesting...not sure what I did to keep the nerves in check. Probably has a lot to do with #4.

6) My adult brain works slower than a high school kid's brain. I'm not as quick as I used to be...nor do I retain as much as I used to. I just have to accept it.

I stand at a the base of a huge mountain. I look up at the top of the mountain and start to climb. As I climb, the top of the mountain gets further and further away. This is what learning the cello feels like to me. However, it's hard to feel progress if you're looking up all the time. The biggest thing I learned this weekend is that sometimes you need to look down to see how far you've climbed....I noticed that I've actually climbed quite a ways. I spent the weekend picnicking on a spot up that mountain and the view....was quite nice!